I had a little inspiration while reading other peoples blogs. Some days I think I hate getting older…..and then there are other days I realize I really don’t mind. There are a lot of really good and freeing aspects to it. You just have to come to grips with some of the negative ones and those are the things I really hate to have to accept. I will no longer be a sexy woman…. not that I want to be objectified but, most women I know including myself like to know someone is lusting after them. Of course my husband will always think I`m still hot….he loves me. But there is something to feeling a mans eyes on you, watching you as you walk past and feeling those eyes following your back as you are walking away. No matter how good you might look at 50 years, You will always be that older woman. No matter how fit you are, at 50 my body will never stand up to one half my age. I always knew I was somewhat attractive, people have told me I look younger than I am but…..it is my vanity and I have had to relinquish my head turning days. I`m really happy I didn’t rely on my looks or make them more important than they should be. I think I was content just knowing that I was ok. And now its as if a insecurity I am not accustomed to has edged into my life. instead of just pulling on my clothes without a second thought I check the views from different angles. Does my stomach look fatter in this or are my jeans too tight or too baggy. Is it ok to wear a backless shirt or should I not anymore. My husband will tell me “just go without a bra today” (I told you he loves me) I tell him only at home, I wont go anywhere without my bra on ( even though I`m not too bad up there). I tell him no one wants to see a 54 year old woman without a bra…..he tells me he does. I always smile because he is the one man still hot for me, and I love him. I realize that is all that really matters. I no longer need to feel attractive to other men`s eyes, only his. He has loved me for what feels forever. He was 19 years old and I was 16. Now almost 38 years later he still loves only me and I love him even more. He has known this woman really young and all the years between. We raised two beautiful daughters and now at long last we have come full circle. Now it is just him and me. We get to spend all our time together and play. We get to embark on adventures we had only dreamed of doing. My husband retired early partly because of my becoming disabled, and then also he detested his job and he was eligible. Now I think wow how lucky are we. It is when I contemplate the big picture I realize how very happy I am. I might be fatter or a little flabby, I now have wrinkles no face cream can hide. But I am happy, I might feel rotten with my health going south. But I am happy. I plan on having a lot of years ahead and doing all the things I never had time for before, going places we always have wanted to go. So I put on my favorite jeans and pull on my shirt (minus the bra) I put my feet up and close my eyes and smile…….I am happy, I`m content. What more could I want.
Why did I start this blog…..To be honest I don`t truly know. I never had a itching to do a blog, I don`t exactly know how your suppose to do one. Maybe because I have always loved to write, or because my life is somewhat isolating now, I miss being social and just talking to people. No I`m not strange or anything, I have a lot going on in my life. I have a lot of health conditions that in a sense have permanently interrupted the life I was living. I joined the ranks of “Disability” just about a year ago. I have a long list of “stuff wrong” that I wont bore you with as I don’t want sympathy. I am sure they will all come out as I add to this blog. I mean it has to as it is my reality now. I will share that I have Narcolepsy and though I managed it pretty well for a lot of years . It manages me now and I can no longer drive. With that said some may think ” just ride the bus ” because if it was you , obviously you would. Well I would too but….I live outside of town. I live in the country side so to say. Not far from town, about 14 miles. There is no public transportation here. I applied for the STA handicap transportation van and I was approved…..If I could get within one mile of the highway. Well I am about 8 miles from the highway so that does me no good. I`m not alone I live here with my husband. He is wonderful and does get me every where I need to go, but I was just really wanting my own independence , my freedom to be sporadic on a whim. It I have others who help me out too….my mom, my daughters etc…. but everyone has jobs and a life, its not always easy for others to drive out here. So that brings me here. My sanity, my release valve, somewhere I can just let my fingers fly. I don`t know if anyone will even read my blog but….I`m doing it for me so it won`t really matter. Though don`t get me wrong I hope people do and comment etc… So here I am standing at the brink of I don’t know. My very first post on my blog. Trust me there will be many more to come.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Those Dishes Won’t Do Themselves.”
Dishes, dishes and more dishes! I hate dishes. I don`t know why…..they really don`t take long to do. Washing the dishes is somewhat a mindless task. One that allows for daydreaming and a wandering mind. And at nearly 54 years old it`s not like I haven’t done them a million times. But it seems the older I get the more I dislike them and the small amount of time to do them.