I had a little inspiration while reading other peoples blogs. Some days I think I hate getting older…..and then there are other days I realize I really don’t mind. There are a lot of really good and freeing aspects to it. You just have to come to grips with some of the negative ones and those are the things I really hate to have to accept. I will no longer be a sexy woman…. not that I want to be objectified but, most women I know including myself like to know someone is lusting after them. Of course my husband will always think I`m still hot….he loves me. But there is something to feeling a mans eyes on you, watching you as you walk past and feeling those eyes following your back as you are walking away. No matter how good you might look at 50 years, You will always be that older woman. No matter how fit you are, at 50 my body will never stand up to one half my age. I always knew I was somewhat attractive, people have told me I look younger than I am but…..it is my vanity and I have had to relinquish my head turning days. I`m really happy I didn’t rely on my looks or make them more important than they should be. I think I was content just knowing that I was ok. And now its as if a insecurity I am not accustomed to has edged into my life. instead of just pulling on my clothes without a second thought I check the views from different angles. Does my stomach look fatter in this or are my jeans too tight or too baggy. Is it ok to wear a backless shirt or should I not anymore. My husband will tell me “just go without a bra today” (I told you he loves me) I tell him only at home, I wont go anywhere without my bra on ( even though I`m not too bad up there). I tell him no one wants to see a 54 year old woman without a bra…..he tells me he does. I always smile because he is the one man still hot for me, and I love him. I realize that is all that really matters. I no longer need to feel attractive to other men`s eyes, only his. He has loved me for what feels forever. He was 19 years old and I was 16. Now almost 38 years later he still loves only me and I love him even more. He has known this woman really young and all the years between. We raised two beautiful daughters and now at long last we have come full circle. Now it is just him and me. We get to spend all our time together and play. We get to embark on adventures we had only dreamed of doing. My husband retired early partly because of my becoming disabled, and then also he detested his job and he was eligible. Now I think wow how lucky are we. It is when I contemplate the big picture I realize how very happy I am. I might be fatter or a little flabby, I now have wrinkles no face cream can hide. But I am happy, I might feel rotten with my health going south. But I am happy. I plan on having a lot of years ahead and doing all the things I never had time for before, going places we always have wanted to go. So I put on my favorite jeans and pull on my shirt (minus the bra) I put my feet up and close my eyes and smile…….I am happy, I`m content. What more could I want.